Salvation By A Neon Cross on a Cell Tower

When I was a child in Texas, my family went to churches that were very traditional. They had wooden pews, stained glass windows, choirs, organs, and all the other things classically associated with church. Unfortunately, at a certain point, my family developed the habit of not going to church anymore. It wasn't that my parents stopped believing, they simply allowed the busyness of life to get in the way.

After getting married, my wife and I decided to reignite our relationships with God. The church we ended up attending in San Jose was worlds away from what I had grown accustomed. The wooden pews, stained glass and choir were replaced with chairs, basketball hoops, and a live band. It was a great church filled with wonderful people, and God used that congregation to move me closer to him. However, I always yearned for the church of my childhood. I guess you could say I was nostalgic.

Our eventual move to Sacramento meant a search for a new church. We tried a handful of places over the span of six months. There were lots of caring, warm people, but nothing that fit my immature spiritual needs, so the search continued.

But there was this one church I passed on nearly a daily basis. It was a nondescript, single story building that looked like it was originally designed to be an office. It seemed like a perfectly fine place, but not what I was looking for. I wanted something that looked more "spiritual", and less like an office.

Then one Saturday I was out running errands when I passed the church again. As I drove by, I noticed something was different. In the corner of the property was a two story structure that had crosses on all sides. I remember thinking to myself, "That's kinda cool. It's got crosses on it, so I guess it looks like a church now. Maybe we should try there".

A couple of weeks later, my wife and I attended that church for the first time. Within a month we joined our first Small Group Bible study, and within three months I was baptized. Since that time, I have gone to Bible College and received a degree, while also leading the Sunday Tech Team for about three years. I think it would be safe to say that God has definitely used this church as a way to bring me closer to Him, and as a tool to help me grow spiritually.

But let me backtrack for a moment. Let's go back to that first Sunday. After the sermon, the Senior Pastor informed the church that a cell tower had been built on their property. The church was blessed because they were paid for the use of their land.

It took me a minute, then I realized what "tower" he was talking about. He was talking about that two story structure with the crosses on it. Do you realize what this means???? It means that God used a cell tower to guide me to a place where I could connect with him. Basically, I was led to Jesus by the light of a neon cross, on a two story cell tower. I'm sorry, but God is goofy.
So here's the ultimate point of this story. Recently I have come to some crossroads in my life. After many years of starting and stopping, I have finally finished college. At the same time, the industry of my occupation has gone through convulsions. If ever there were a time to find a new path, this would be it.

As a result, I find myself spending an inordinate amounts of time "looking" for God's guidance. I keep looking for signs of what He wants me to do. It is a constant attempt to figure out God's master plan for me. The funny thing is that when I look back at how God has worked in my life, rarely was I able to see God's hand moving as it was happening. It is only in retrospect that I can see God's work.

This has got me wondering if maybe I'm trying too hard. Maybe my efforts to find God's direction are actually just me attempting to take control. Instead of trusting God, I'm trying to figure everything out before He's willing to reveal it to me. Matthew 6:25-26 tells us, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

So this begs the question, where is the balance between proactively searching for God's will, and simply trusting His providence? Honestly, I don't know if I have a complete answer, which is odd for me. I crave answers. I require answers. But possibly that's the way it is suppose to be. Possibly this tension between seeking and trusting is the key to a healthy relationship with God. If all we did was trust, then we'd be nothing but mindless pawns. Yet, if in our searching for God's direction we were able to completely decode God's plan, we would no longer need God.

In the end, I think I'm going to stop looking for another neon cross. I'm going to stop stressing over the fact that I don't know exactly what God has got planned for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to seek and search His will. The difference is that now I will trust more that He has it handled. I have to accept that while I have free will, He is the one who ultimately has control.