When I was a child in Texas, my family went to churches that were very traditional. They had wooden pews, stained glass windows, choirs, organs, and all the other things classically associated with church. Unfortunately, at a certain point, my family developed the habit of not going to church anymore. It wasn't that my parents stopped believing, they simply allowed the busyness of life to get in the way.
After getting married, my wife and I decided to reignite our relationships with God. The church we ended up attending in San Jose was worlds away from what I had grown accustomed. The wooden pews, stained glass and choir were replaced with chairs, basketball hoops, and a live band. It was a great church filled with wonderful people, and God used that congregation to move me closer to him. However, I always yearned for the church of my childhood. I guess you could say I was nostalgic.
Our eventual move to Sacramento meant a search for a new church. We tried a handful of places over the span of six months. There were lots of caring, warm people, but nothing that fit my immature spiritual needs, so the search continued.
But there was this one church I passed on nearly a daily basis. It was a nondescript, single story building that looked like it was originally designed to be an office. It seemed like a perfectly fine place, but not what I was looking for. I wanted something that looked more "spiritual", and less like an office.
Then one Saturday I was out running errands when I passed the church again. As I drove by, I noticed something was different. In the corner of the property was a two story structure that had crosses on all sides. I remember thinking to myself, "That's kinda cool. It's got crosses on it, so I guess it looks like a church now. Maybe we should try there".
A couple of weeks later, my wife and I attended that church for the first time. Within a month we joined our first Small Group Bible study, and within three months I was baptized. Since that time, I have gone to Bible College and received a degree, while also leading the Sunday Tech Team for about three years. I think it would be safe to say that God has definitely used this church as a way to bring me closer to Him, and as a tool to help me grow spiritually.
But let me backtrack for a moment. Let's go back to that first Sunday. After the sermon, the Senior Pastor informed the church that a cell tower had been built on their property. The church was blessed because they were paid for the use of their land.
It took me a minute, then I realized what "tower" he was talking about. He was talking about that two story structure with the crosses on it. Do you realize what this means???? It means that God used a cell tower to guide me to a place where I could connect with him. Basically, I was led to Jesus by the light of a neon cross, on a two story cell tower. I'm sorry, but God is goofy.
So here's the ultimate point of this story. Recently I have come to some crossroads in my life. After many years of starting and stopping, I have finally finished college. At the same time, the industry of my occupation has gone through convulsions. If ever there were a time to find a new path, this would be it.
As a result, I find myself spending an inordinate amounts of time "looking" for God's guidance. I keep looking for signs of what He wants me to do. It is a constant attempt to figure out God's master plan for me. The funny thing is that when I look back at how God has worked in my life, rarely was I able to see God's hand moving as it was happening. It is only in retrospect that I can see God's work.
This has got me wondering if maybe I'm trying too hard. Maybe my efforts to find God's direction are actually just me attempting to take control. Instead of trusting God, I'm trying to figure everything out before He's willing to reveal it to me. Matthew 6:25-26 tells us, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
So this begs the question, where is the balance between proactively searching for God's will, and simply trusting His providence? Honestly, I don't know if I have a complete answer, which is odd for me. I crave answers. I require answers. But possibly that's the way it is suppose to be. Possibly this tension between seeking and trusting is the key to a healthy relationship with God. If all we did was trust, then we'd be nothing but mindless pawns. Yet, if in our searching for God's direction we were able to completely decode God's plan, we would no longer need God.
In the end, I think I'm going to stop looking for another neon cross. I'm going to stop stressing over the fact that I don't know exactly what God has got planned for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to seek and search His will. The difference is that now I will trust more that He has it handled. I have to accept that while I have free will, He is the one who ultimately has control.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Hope
Hope is a popular subject. In the political season, we hear a lot about the topic. Every politician tries to convince you that they are the hope for a better future. In many ways, hope can be a pretty easy sell. It is easy because they do not have to offer any specifics. Nor do they have to actually deliver anything. All they have to do is convince people to feel an emotion; An emotion that most people want to feel anyway.
Politics is not the only place we hear a lot about hope. The Bible is filled with it. In both Psalm 42 and 43, we are told, "Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God".
In Romans 5, Paul states, "And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us".
Now, I have to be really honest about something here. It pains me to say this, but the naked truth is that these scriptures don't give me strength. They don't make me feel better. There is no comfort or consolation from those words. In a time of difficulty, of pain, or of trials, these verses don't provide me any solace.
I wish they did. I really, really wished they helped. As a follower of Christ, I badly want to tell you that, "the Word of God gives me strength". But, I can't lie. It doesn't always work that way.
Here's why…
The hope I read in the Bible seems to relate to the long term, the distant future. It is a reassurance that in the end, all will be okay. The Bible constantly reminds us that we have a good, gracious and loving God. A God in control who will make all things right. That is awesome, and nothing to be discounted.
However, my problem is that I don't often worry about what will happen in the long term. I am not stressed about what will happen in 10, 20 or 50 years. Nor do I get scared about death. I have faith in God and His love. I have faith that He will take care of me like the loving and omnipotent Father He is. In fact, the older I get, the more my faith and trust in God develops. Every year of my life adds experiences that allow me to see how God has sustained me. This makes it easier to be hopeful for the long term.
My problem, unfortunately, is that I have difficulties with the here and now. I worry about the problems of next week, next month and next year. While I know that eventually everything will be okay, I have trouble coping with the knowledge that trials are inevitable.
In fact, maybe even more disheartening is that the Bible gives us plenty of warning that these trials will happen. It doesn't cover up that fact at all. There is no illusion that life will be all peaches and cream.
Take a look at James 1:2-4: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Pure joy? Are you kidding me? I'm sorry, but I have read this scripture during times of trouble and it does not offer me any relief. Nothing. In fact, it has made me feel even more depressed. It made me depressed because it caused me to question my faith. It caused me to question how much I truly trust God. I'm I really a Christian? A follower of Christ? A disciple? If I really had a strong faith, how could I still be so stressed?
When I first sat down to write this essay, my intention was to simply vent frustration. I didn't have a solution to my stress in mind, nor was I really searching for one. I just wanted to document my dismay at the fact that sometimes I felt hopeless. But whether I was searching for it or not, I was able to find some bit of peace. I found something that made me feel better…
While I was writing, it came to me that Jesus had a similar reaction to a bad situation. Even though he knew full well that all things would be made right, he was not immune from anxiety.
Just before Jesus gets arrested (and eventually tortured and killed), he led some disciples to a garden in Gethsemane. In the book of Mark, we have he following account of what happened:
"He took Peter, James and John along with him and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death', he said to them. 'Stay here and keep watch.' Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass him. 'Abba, Father,' he said, 'everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." (Mark 14:33-36)
Did you pick up on that? Jesus was "deeply distressed", "overwhelmed with sorrow", and he asked the Father to spare him the pain he knew was coming. The Son of God, God himself, God in the flesh, was worried about short term problems. Even though he knew the outcome in advance, there were still trepidations about the process.
Believe it or not, that is comforting to me. It means that maybe, just maybe, I am normal. Maybe it is okay to have stress every once and a while. Being worried is just part of the human experience.
The lesson from all this is that tough times are inescapable. They are unavoidable. As a result,
stress is inevitable as well. So don't be ashamed of feeling worried. It's all part of our journey here on Earth. It's part of our growth. The key, however, is that we do not wallow in those dark places. We have to work through and move past those times. And we can do this by recognizing God is in control of the situation, and even if we don't like the circumstance, God has it handled.
Jesus understood this reality. That is why in his prayer, he went ahead and expressed his distress. He let the Father know his sorrow. But then he prayed these words in the garden: "not what I will, but what you will". Because God's will is perfect, and He is in control anyway.
Politics is not the only place we hear a lot about hope. The Bible is filled with it. In both Psalm 42 and 43, we are told, "Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God".
In Romans 5, Paul states, "And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us".
Now, I have to be really honest about something here. It pains me to say this, but the naked truth is that these scriptures don't give me strength. They don't make me feel better. There is no comfort or consolation from those words. In a time of difficulty, of pain, or of trials, these verses don't provide me any solace.
I wish they did. I really, really wished they helped. As a follower of Christ, I badly want to tell you that, "the Word of God gives me strength". But, I can't lie. It doesn't always work that way.
Here's why…
The hope I read in the Bible seems to relate to the long term, the distant future. It is a reassurance that in the end, all will be okay. The Bible constantly reminds us that we have a good, gracious and loving God. A God in control who will make all things right. That is awesome, and nothing to be discounted.
However, my problem is that I don't often worry about what will happen in the long term. I am not stressed about what will happen in 10, 20 or 50 years. Nor do I get scared about death. I have faith in God and His love. I have faith that He will take care of me like the loving and omnipotent Father He is. In fact, the older I get, the more my faith and trust in God develops. Every year of my life adds experiences that allow me to see how God has sustained me. This makes it easier to be hopeful for the long term.
My problem, unfortunately, is that I have difficulties with the here and now. I worry about the problems of next week, next month and next year. While I know that eventually everything will be okay, I have trouble coping with the knowledge that trials are inevitable.
In fact, maybe even more disheartening is that the Bible gives us plenty of warning that these trials will happen. It doesn't cover up that fact at all. There is no illusion that life will be all peaches and cream.
Take a look at James 1:2-4: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Pure joy? Are you kidding me? I'm sorry, but I have read this scripture during times of trouble and it does not offer me any relief. Nothing. In fact, it has made me feel even more depressed. It made me depressed because it caused me to question my faith. It caused me to question how much I truly trust God. I'm I really a Christian? A follower of Christ? A disciple? If I really had a strong faith, how could I still be so stressed?
When I first sat down to write this essay, my intention was to simply vent frustration. I didn't have a solution to my stress in mind, nor was I really searching for one. I just wanted to document my dismay at the fact that sometimes I felt hopeless. But whether I was searching for it or not, I was able to find some bit of peace. I found something that made me feel better…
While I was writing, it came to me that Jesus had a similar reaction to a bad situation. Even though he knew full well that all things would be made right, he was not immune from anxiety.
Just before Jesus gets arrested (and eventually tortured and killed), he led some disciples to a garden in Gethsemane. In the book of Mark, we have he following account of what happened:
"He took Peter, James and John along with him and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death', he said to them. 'Stay here and keep watch.' Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass him. 'Abba, Father,' he said, 'everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." (Mark 14:33-36)
Did you pick up on that? Jesus was "deeply distressed", "overwhelmed with sorrow", and he asked the Father to spare him the pain he knew was coming. The Son of God, God himself, God in the flesh, was worried about short term problems. Even though he knew the outcome in advance, there were still trepidations about the process.
Believe it or not, that is comforting to me. It means that maybe, just maybe, I am normal. Maybe it is okay to have stress every once and a while. Being worried is just part of the human experience.
The lesson from all this is that tough times are inescapable. They are unavoidable. As a result,
stress is inevitable as well. So don't be ashamed of feeling worried. It's all part of our journey here on Earth. It's part of our growth. The key, however, is that we do not wallow in those dark places. We have to work through and move past those times. And we can do this by recognizing God is in control of the situation, and even if we don't like the circumstance, God has it handled.
Jesus understood this reality. That is why in his prayer, he went ahead and expressed his distress. He let the Father know his sorrow. But then he prayed these words in the garden: "not what I will, but what you will". Because God's will is perfect, and He is in control anyway.
Speech at William Jessup University, May 2008
On May, 16th, 2008, I was given the pleasure of being able to speak during William Jessup University's Baccalaureate (a special Chapel service the night before the graduation commencement). I was told there were about 600 people in attendance, which is much larger than any group I have ever spoken to. The following writing is what I prepared for the speech. When reading, please understand that this was written as a speech outline, not a formal essay. That means there will be some odd sentence structure and possible rough transitions. I use this as the base and then adlib the rest. During the speech, some of the details in this were ommitted, and I added a great deal more.
When I was first approached about doing this speech, I must admit to you that I was worried about what I was suppose to talk about. I was told to speak a little bit about myself… to tell something of "my story", my experiences here at school, and what God has done in my life while at William Jessup. On the face of it, that seemed like a perfectly reasonable speech topic…
But then I realized something. Something that actually caused me to panic a little bit… I realized that I'm a pretty boring guy… A pretty run of the mill, normal, unexceptional, average guy.
Seriously. Let me explain for a second…
I don't have a really cool or fascinating job… I don't make a lot of money… Nor do I have a position of great power….I have never planted a church, lead a church or even a large ministry… I have traveled a little bit in my life… but I don't have any those grandiose tales about climbing Mt Everest, backpacking across Europe, making a pilgrimage to the Holy Land, or anything like that to inspire and motivate you today…
And here's one more fact… it took me EIGHT years, and FOUR, count them, four different colleges to earn this Bachelors!… Not the sort of guy most people would consider the poster boy for higher education.
Yet, for some reason, this wonderful institution thought I would be appropriate as a speaker today. (Guess I fooled somebody here).
Then I realized something. I realized that maybe that's what I'm suppose to talk about. Maybe, just maybe, it is my normality, my un-exceptional-ism (if that is even a real word) that is the point and the reason I am here. Because, it is through this ordinariness that God's glory can shine through more clearly. Through my limitations, God's greatness is shown.
Paul speaks of this idea in 1 Corinthians…
Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."
So I stand here today, not to boast of anything I have done, but to boast in the Lord. Because it is definitely only because of Him that I have been given this opportunity.
I've learned over the years that God uses all sorts of people to accomplish His desires. Sometimes they are people of power, ability and prestige. But not always. Actually, often times they are the types of people we meet everyday… Computer Programmers, Fireman, school administrators, County workers, Nordstrom employees, Basketball coaches, Salesmen, the guy drinking coffee at Starbucks… these are the people God uses to spread His message and His love.
A little over three years ago, when I was 29 years old God placed it on my heart to attend William Jessup… My wife had just given birth to our forth child… I was working full time, trying to support our expanded family on my single income… and I was stumbling my way through my first leadership role in ministry. Personally, I felt that I was a pretty busy guy. I didn't feel like I had a lot of spare time or money. But someone else, it seems, had other ideas…
My initial thought was… Are you kidding me!? What sort of sick joke is this? ME? Bible College? No way. I'm too busy, I don't have any money, AND, I'm a very good student. I am a horrible procrastinator, and I can be very, very lazy. Did I mention my track record with college? I had already gone to three schools and didn't finish!
But God kept working on me. Primarily, He worked through a group of friends who encouraged me, motivated me and pushed me to follow what I felt was God's will. In fact, if it weren't for their affirmation, for the way that God worked through these men, I'm not sure if I would not be up here today. Every time I would doubt myself, they were there to build me up. Every time I thought it was impossible, they were there to remind me that God would make it possible…. If I would let Him.
As I leave this university, I do so with a deeper understanding of God, and an improved walk with Christ. I also leave with a brand new appreciation of how each of has a role in God's plan. How each of us, no matter what limitations we feel we have or shortcomings we perceive to possess, God can use us. In fact, I think that He wants to use us. Just as he has used my friends, the way he has used the professors and administrators in this school, and especially they way He has used my fellow classmates. It is through these relationships, with all these various people, that I have grown… that I have been stretched, and reshaped. I feel blessed and extremely grateful that each of these people allowed themselves to be used for God… and I pray that I may do the same… even if I am just a boring, regular guy.
I want to thank you for this opportunity to speak today. It is an honor I never imagined. It certainly goes to show that through God, anything is possible. Again, Thank you, and
Congratulations to everyone. God Bless you.
When I was first approached about doing this speech, I must admit to you that I was worried about what I was suppose to talk about. I was told to speak a little bit about myself… to tell something of "my story", my experiences here at school, and what God has done in my life while at William Jessup. On the face of it, that seemed like a perfectly reasonable speech topic…
But then I realized something. Something that actually caused me to panic a little bit… I realized that I'm a pretty boring guy… A pretty run of the mill, normal, unexceptional, average guy.
Seriously. Let me explain for a second…
I don't have a really cool or fascinating job… I don't make a lot of money… Nor do I have a position of great power….I have never planted a church, lead a church or even a large ministry… I have traveled a little bit in my life… but I don't have any those grandiose tales about climbing Mt Everest, backpacking across Europe, making a pilgrimage to the Holy Land, or anything like that to inspire and motivate you today…
And here's one more fact… it took me EIGHT years, and FOUR, count them, four different colleges to earn this Bachelors!… Not the sort of guy most people would consider the poster boy for higher education.
Yet, for some reason, this wonderful institution thought I would be appropriate as a speaker today. (Guess I fooled somebody here).
Then I realized something. I realized that maybe that's what I'm suppose to talk about. Maybe, just maybe, it is my normality, my un-exceptional-ism (if that is even a real word) that is the point and the reason I am here. Because, it is through this ordinariness that God's glory can shine through more clearly. Through my limitations, God's greatness is shown.
Paul speaks of this idea in 1 Corinthians…
Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."
So I stand here today, not to boast of anything I have done, but to boast in the Lord. Because it is definitely only because of Him that I have been given this opportunity.
I've learned over the years that God uses all sorts of people to accomplish His desires. Sometimes they are people of power, ability and prestige. But not always. Actually, often times they are the types of people we meet everyday… Computer Programmers, Fireman, school administrators, County workers, Nordstrom employees, Basketball coaches, Salesmen, the guy drinking coffee at Starbucks… these are the people God uses to spread His message and His love.
A little over three years ago, when I was 29 years old God placed it on my heart to attend William Jessup… My wife had just given birth to our forth child… I was working full time, trying to support our expanded family on my single income… and I was stumbling my way through my first leadership role in ministry. Personally, I felt that I was a pretty busy guy. I didn't feel like I had a lot of spare time or money. But someone else, it seems, had other ideas…
My initial thought was… Are you kidding me!? What sort of sick joke is this? ME? Bible College? No way. I'm too busy, I don't have any money, AND, I'm a very good student. I am a horrible procrastinator, and I can be very, very lazy. Did I mention my track record with college? I had already gone to three schools and didn't finish!
But God kept working on me. Primarily, He worked through a group of friends who encouraged me, motivated me and pushed me to follow what I felt was God's will. In fact, if it weren't for their affirmation, for the way that God worked through these men, I'm not sure if I would not be up here today. Every time I would doubt myself, they were there to build me up. Every time I thought it was impossible, they were there to remind me that God would make it possible…. If I would let Him.
As I leave this university, I do so with a deeper understanding of God, and an improved walk with Christ. I also leave with a brand new appreciation of how each of has a role in God's plan. How each of us, no matter what limitations we feel we have or shortcomings we perceive to possess, God can use us. In fact, I think that He wants to use us. Just as he has used my friends, the way he has used the professors and administrators in this school, and especially they way He has used my fellow classmates. It is through these relationships, with all these various people, that I have grown… that I have been stretched, and reshaped. I feel blessed and extremely grateful that each of these people allowed themselves to be used for God… and I pray that I may do the same… even if I am just a boring, regular guy.
I want to thank you for this opportunity to speak today. It is an honor I never imagined. It certainly goes to show that through God, anything is possible. Again, Thank you, and
Congratulations to everyone. God Bless you.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
BEING worship, not DOING worship
For many years, I was blessed to have a great group of men to meet with on a weekly basis. We all knew each other from working in the same industry, but we had some diverse backgrounds.
One guy was a former atheist with a law degree from UC Berkeley. If you pressed him hard enough, he'd tell you it was probably a better description to say he was agnostic. But while going to school at Berkeley, it was cooler to say he was an atheist. So that's what he called himself at the time.
Another guy was a former addict. He came to Christ in response to his sobriety and received strength through his faith in the Lord. He had an intensity and commitment to Christ that was inspiring.
We also had a pastor's son in the group. He had been a Christian as long as he could remember, and provided a contrast to the rest of us. Since the rest of us came to Christ later in life, there were experiences and understandings that were divergent.
The fourth member was a former bartender. He had spent most of his life chasing a good time, only to find out there was no prize at the end road. Reading the Bible was something very much outside his comfort zone, and a foreign concept. Yet he was there every week, at 6:45 in the morning.
Then there was me. I grew up around the idea of God and Jesus, but never did anything about it until adulthood.
We attended very different types of churches: Presbyterian, Charismatic, Congregational, and Non-Denominational. We were an eclectic group, with wide theological perspectives. We did not agree on everything, but that's probably what I enjoyed the most. For over three years, we met once a week, almost every week. During that time, we got to see each other grow and evolve in our individual faith. We have shared emotions and experiences that were never shared with other people. It was an amazing time, and I miss the meetings very much.
Out of everyone there, the former bartender was the newest in his understanding of Christ. He loved meeting and talking, but never seemed sure if he wanted to take the leap and become a follower of Christ. It was such a sharp contrast from everything he had known that he didn't even know what it meant to be a "Christian".
Finally, after coming to our meetings for over two years, he was ready to make a decision. He told me that he was ready to go "deeper" and take it to the next level. That prompted him to ask me the question I had been waiting a very long time to hear. It was the question I had been preparing to answer since he first showed up. His question was, "So what am I suppose to do now?"
My mind and mouth were going a million miles a minute, rattling off every discipleship step I could think of: Read your Bible more… go to church more… GET BAPTIZED… start serving at church… memorize scripture… PRAY more… do this… do that… blah, blah, blah. I was like a human Gatlin gun. I don't think he knew what hit him.
It was at about this point that his eyes started glazing over and rolling into the back of his head. I could literally see his face starting to fall. When our conversation started, he was excited and energized. Now he seemed burdened and stressed. It was like I sucked all the oxygen out of the room, then directly out of his lungs. What was I doing?
I stopped talking for a moment. I just stood there, silent, staring at my friend. He stood there waiting me to finish my thoughts. But I didn't know what to say. All I knew was that I had just taken all his ambition and crushed it like my three year old stomping on a lady bug.
That is when it hit me. That is when I realized what I was suppose to say. Suddenly, I blurted out something along the lines of, "Forget everything I just said. Erase it from memory. Here is what you need to do: Love the Lord with all your heart, mind and soul. Make God the focus of everything you do and every decision you make. Make Him the center of your marriage, your family, your job, and your life. If you do that, all the other things will follow. If you truly make Him the center, then you'll search out for ways to be His servant. But for now don't worry about the steps… just love Him."
I tell you this story for two reasons. The first one is because we are doing a series about worship in our church right now (www.impact.cc), and for me, this story provides a definition of what true worship is really about. Worship is about living your life for God. It is not about songs, music, cool stage designs, or any of that. Worship is a state of being, not a singular instance of doing. When I first started providing answers to my friend, I was giving him things to do. I was giving him chores. That's not what he needed. He need to know how to be.
In Colossians 3, Paul talks a little about this idea:
"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him".
Paul doesn't give a laundry list of tasks in this scripture. What he provides instead is an example of attitude. This is the second reason for writing of this experience…
A number of years ago, I went through a dark time in my faith. As an analytical person, I always search for concrete answers. I prefer to operate in an atmosphere of guidelines and defined boundaries. This keeps life simple because there are fewer complications when there are no grey areas. I approached my walk with Christ in this same way.
In essence, I reduced my faith to a checklist of tasks. The way I saw it, the more things I checked off the list, the "better Christian" I became. As a competitive person, this worked well for a while. It provided many benefits by giving a clear path for growth and a framework for staying on track. Furthermore, it gave me a measuring stick and goals. These are not bad things.
The problem arose when these individual tasks became my primary focus. Instead of being tools to help me grow in my relationship with God, these tasks took the place of God. I was task-oriented and not God-oriented.
Things got even worse when I realized I was failing on the list. I stopped making progress, and even backtracked a little bit. This was devastating because the goals had replaced my faith in God. They became the entire basis, outlet and expression of my spirituality. If I was failing at this list, then my faith was failing as well.
Luckily, God gave me a way out. One of the awesome things about God is how he chooses to guide us. Personally, I think God has a very ironic sense of humor. I know that might not be theologically provable, but I truly believe it deep down. For you see, it was that former bartender… the one I told to ignore all the tasks and simply "Love the Lord", that showed me the error of what I was doing. At lunch one day, I told him how I felt. I told him that I felt like I was stumbling; I was depressed about being such a flawed individual.
His response was fairly simple. He told me to stop beating myself up. He told me that I was focusing on the wrong things. Although he didn't use the exact same words, his message was the same as what I had told him earlier that year. He was telling me to just love the Lord… make God the focus… Stop making the focus of my worship the doing of tasks, and make my worship being a follower of Christ. Worshipping God is not about a single action. Worshipping God is about a life dedicated to the continual expression of loving Him.
One guy was a former atheist with a law degree from UC Berkeley. If you pressed him hard enough, he'd tell you it was probably a better description to say he was agnostic. But while going to school at Berkeley, it was cooler to say he was an atheist. So that's what he called himself at the time.
Another guy was a former addict. He came to Christ in response to his sobriety and received strength through his faith in the Lord. He had an intensity and commitment to Christ that was inspiring.
We also had a pastor's son in the group. He had been a Christian as long as he could remember, and provided a contrast to the rest of us. Since the rest of us came to Christ later in life, there were experiences and understandings that were divergent.
The fourth member was a former bartender. He had spent most of his life chasing a good time, only to find out there was no prize at the end road. Reading the Bible was something very much outside his comfort zone, and a foreign concept. Yet he was there every week, at 6:45 in the morning.
Then there was me. I grew up around the idea of God and Jesus, but never did anything about it until adulthood.
We attended very different types of churches: Presbyterian, Charismatic, Congregational, and Non-Denominational. We were an eclectic group, with wide theological perspectives. We did not agree on everything, but that's probably what I enjoyed the most. For over three years, we met once a week, almost every week. During that time, we got to see each other grow and evolve in our individual faith. We have shared emotions and experiences that were never shared with other people. It was an amazing time, and I miss the meetings very much.
Out of everyone there, the former bartender was the newest in his understanding of Christ. He loved meeting and talking, but never seemed sure if he wanted to take the leap and become a follower of Christ. It was such a sharp contrast from everything he had known that he didn't even know what it meant to be a "Christian".
Finally, after coming to our meetings for over two years, he was ready to make a decision. He told me that he was ready to go "deeper" and take it to the next level. That prompted him to ask me the question I had been waiting a very long time to hear. It was the question I had been preparing to answer since he first showed up. His question was, "So what am I suppose to do now?"
My mind and mouth were going a million miles a minute, rattling off every discipleship step I could think of: Read your Bible more… go to church more… GET BAPTIZED… start serving at church… memorize scripture… PRAY more… do this… do that… blah, blah, blah. I was like a human Gatlin gun. I don't think he knew what hit him.
It was at about this point that his eyes started glazing over and rolling into the back of his head. I could literally see his face starting to fall. When our conversation started, he was excited and energized. Now he seemed burdened and stressed. It was like I sucked all the oxygen out of the room, then directly out of his lungs. What was I doing?
I stopped talking for a moment. I just stood there, silent, staring at my friend. He stood there waiting me to finish my thoughts. But I didn't know what to say. All I knew was that I had just taken all his ambition and crushed it like my three year old stomping on a lady bug.
That is when it hit me. That is when I realized what I was suppose to say. Suddenly, I blurted out something along the lines of, "Forget everything I just said. Erase it from memory. Here is what you need to do: Love the Lord with all your heart, mind and soul. Make God the focus of everything you do and every decision you make. Make Him the center of your marriage, your family, your job, and your life. If you do that, all the other things will follow. If you truly make Him the center, then you'll search out for ways to be His servant. But for now don't worry about the steps… just love Him."
I tell you this story for two reasons. The first one is because we are doing a series about worship in our church right now (www.impact.cc), and for me, this story provides a definition of what true worship is really about. Worship is about living your life for God. It is not about songs, music, cool stage designs, or any of that. Worship is a state of being, not a singular instance of doing. When I first started providing answers to my friend, I was giving him things to do. I was giving him chores. That's not what he needed. He need to know how to be.
In Colossians 3, Paul talks a little about this idea:
"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him".
Paul doesn't give a laundry list of tasks in this scripture. What he provides instead is an example of attitude. This is the second reason for writing of this experience…
A number of years ago, I went through a dark time in my faith. As an analytical person, I always search for concrete answers. I prefer to operate in an atmosphere of guidelines and defined boundaries. This keeps life simple because there are fewer complications when there are no grey areas. I approached my walk with Christ in this same way.
In essence, I reduced my faith to a checklist of tasks. The way I saw it, the more things I checked off the list, the "better Christian" I became. As a competitive person, this worked well for a while. It provided many benefits by giving a clear path for growth and a framework for staying on track. Furthermore, it gave me a measuring stick and goals. These are not bad things.
The problem arose when these individual tasks became my primary focus. Instead of being tools to help me grow in my relationship with God, these tasks took the place of God. I was task-oriented and not God-oriented.
Things got even worse when I realized I was failing on the list. I stopped making progress, and even backtracked a little bit. This was devastating because the goals had replaced my faith in God. They became the entire basis, outlet and expression of my spirituality. If I was failing at this list, then my faith was failing as well.
Luckily, God gave me a way out. One of the awesome things about God is how he chooses to guide us. Personally, I think God has a very ironic sense of humor. I know that might not be theologically provable, but I truly believe it deep down. For you see, it was that former bartender… the one I told to ignore all the tasks and simply "Love the Lord", that showed me the error of what I was doing. At lunch one day, I told him how I felt. I told him that I felt like I was stumbling; I was depressed about being such a flawed individual.
His response was fairly simple. He told me to stop beating myself up. He told me that I was focusing on the wrong things. Although he didn't use the exact same words, his message was the same as what I had told him earlier that year. He was telling me to just love the Lord… make God the focus… Stop making the focus of my worship the doing of tasks, and make my worship being a follower of Christ. Worshipping God is not about a single action. Worshipping God is about a life dedicated to the continual expression of loving Him.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
The Sopranos Gospel
I have a confession to make. I loved the Sopranos. Absolutely loved it. I think it is one of the most interesting and creative series that has ever been on television. The characters were fascinating, the dialogue was captivating, and the storylines were totally unpredictable.
The Sopranos was also, however, one of the foulest, most profanity laced, sex filled and immoral shows to ever be produced. There were strippers dancing on stages, people being "whacked", illegal business transactions, affairs, lying, deceit, and debauchery of all kinds.
Needless to say, the Sopranos wasn’t a show for everybody. The nudity, violence and language may cause stumbles for some people. Consequently, if you struggle with lust, don’t watch this show. If you struggle with profanity, don’t watch this show. If you struggle with murderous inclinations… please stop reading this blog, forget you every heard of me, and turn yourself into the authorities.
If I’m being fully honest here, then I would have to admit that there’s a part of me that was attracted the darkness of the show. Seeing people living such a lifestyle had a certain draw about it. Yet that element of the show wears off pretty quickly. If that was the only fascination with the show, I probably wouldn’t have watched it for more than one season.
The Sopranos was so intriguing because it often forced me to examine my own life. These characters, who were so utterly different from me, still shared some of my human traits. Their lives were nothing like mine, and on the surface, we should have had nothing in common. Yet, almost every week I saw something of my life mirrored in theirs.
To understand this, let me set up a scene from a particular episode….
In one of the last seasons, it became public that a character named Vito was gay. Vito was a Captain in the family, meaning he was leader of a crew. This was considered a dishonor to many of the people in the "family". Fearing for his life, Vito fled town, leaving his whole life behind, family and all.
The scene I want to discuss took place in the back office of The Bada Bing. For those of you who don’t know the show, The Bada Bing was a strip club owned and operated by the mafia. Tony Soprano was sitting at his desk, discussing the Vito situation with another family Captain. Now keep in mind, these guys have killed people, cheated on their wives, stolen fortunes, done just about everything illegal you could imagine, AND they were having this discussion in a strip club.
The Captain sits back in the chair and suggests to Tony that it would probably be best if they "whacked" Vito. Essentially, he wants Vito killed because he’s gay. Tony is not too thrilled with the idea, not because he’s a nice guy, he’s just being cautious. That is when the Captain looks across the desk and says something along the lines of, "Tony, we’re Catholic, and what he’s doing is a sin!" (That is a paraphrase from memory, not an exact quote)
Did you catch that? This guy, who has his own laundry list of sins, wants to justify MURDERING Vito because of Vito’s sin! This scene stopped my heart for a second. I realized I was just like that guy (not Vito, the other guy). I recognized that I had a tendency to scrutinize other people’s sins while ignoring my own. Sometimes I tried to justify the judgment. I convinced myself that the scrutinizing was only because I "cared".
It was a lie. A big, fat lie.
I’m not saying I didn’t care. I do care for my family, friends and coworkers. But that wasn’t the reason for my judgment. I was being judgmental because it made me feel better. It made me feel superior. That really hurt to admit. Talk about a blow to my ego. At this time in my life, I had just started Bible College and taken a large step in following what I believed was a calling from God. I was feeling pretty confident in my walk with Christ. Maybe too confident. This television program showed me what I hypocrite I was.
Here’s what’s even more interesting about the situation: Jesus warns us of this problem. In Matthew 7:3, he tells us, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" This is an extremely well known verse. I’ve probably read it dozens of times. However, it took an episode of the Sopranos for the scripture to make sense. It took one of the foulest, most un-Godly shows on television to make me realize my own sin.
Maybe I’m a little twisted… Maybe I’m a little weird (okay, I KNOW I’m weird)… But I think that is cool. I love the idea that we can find glimpses of God in the most unusual places. Even in the Sopranos. It just reminds me that God can speak to us through very odd circumstances and unusual people. Often, the key in life is simply being open to finding God.
The Sopranos was also, however, one of the foulest, most profanity laced, sex filled and immoral shows to ever be produced. There were strippers dancing on stages, people being "whacked", illegal business transactions, affairs, lying, deceit, and debauchery of all kinds.
Needless to say, the Sopranos wasn’t a show for everybody. The nudity, violence and language may cause stumbles for some people. Consequently, if you struggle with lust, don’t watch this show. If you struggle with profanity, don’t watch this show. If you struggle with murderous inclinations… please stop reading this blog, forget you every heard of me, and turn yourself into the authorities.
If I’m being fully honest here, then I would have to admit that there’s a part of me that was attracted the darkness of the show. Seeing people living such a lifestyle had a certain draw about it. Yet that element of the show wears off pretty quickly. If that was the only fascination with the show, I probably wouldn’t have watched it for more than one season.
The Sopranos was so intriguing because it often forced me to examine my own life. These characters, who were so utterly different from me, still shared some of my human traits. Their lives were nothing like mine, and on the surface, we should have had nothing in common. Yet, almost every week I saw something of my life mirrored in theirs.
To understand this, let me set up a scene from a particular episode….
In one of the last seasons, it became public that a character named Vito was gay. Vito was a Captain in the family, meaning he was leader of a crew. This was considered a dishonor to many of the people in the "family". Fearing for his life, Vito fled town, leaving his whole life behind, family and all.
The scene I want to discuss took place in the back office of The Bada Bing. For those of you who don’t know the show, The Bada Bing was a strip club owned and operated by the mafia. Tony Soprano was sitting at his desk, discussing the Vito situation with another family Captain. Now keep in mind, these guys have killed people, cheated on their wives, stolen fortunes, done just about everything illegal you could imagine, AND they were having this discussion in a strip club.
The Captain sits back in the chair and suggests to Tony that it would probably be best if they "whacked" Vito. Essentially, he wants Vito killed because he’s gay. Tony is not too thrilled with the idea, not because he’s a nice guy, he’s just being cautious. That is when the Captain looks across the desk and says something along the lines of, "Tony, we’re Catholic, and what he’s doing is a sin!" (That is a paraphrase from memory, not an exact quote)
Did you catch that? This guy, who has his own laundry list of sins, wants to justify MURDERING Vito because of Vito’s sin! This scene stopped my heart for a second. I realized I was just like that guy (not Vito, the other guy). I recognized that I had a tendency to scrutinize other people’s sins while ignoring my own. Sometimes I tried to justify the judgment. I convinced myself that the scrutinizing was only because I "cared".
It was a lie. A big, fat lie.
I’m not saying I didn’t care. I do care for my family, friends and coworkers. But that wasn’t the reason for my judgment. I was being judgmental because it made me feel better. It made me feel superior. That really hurt to admit. Talk about a blow to my ego. At this time in my life, I had just started Bible College and taken a large step in following what I believed was a calling from God. I was feeling pretty confident in my walk with Christ. Maybe too confident. This television program showed me what I hypocrite I was.
Here’s what’s even more interesting about the situation: Jesus warns us of this problem. In Matthew 7:3, he tells us, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" This is an extremely well known verse. I’ve probably read it dozens of times. However, it took an episode of the Sopranos for the scripture to make sense. It took one of the foulest, most un-Godly shows on television to make me realize my own sin.
Maybe I’m a little twisted… Maybe I’m a little weird (okay, I KNOW I’m weird)… But I think that is cool. I love the idea that we can find glimpses of God in the most unusual places. Even in the Sopranos. It just reminds me that God can speak to us through very odd circumstances and unusual people. Often, the key in life is simply being open to finding God.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Concrete and Trees
I work in an office. It's a very bland office. The building is one story and white. The walls inside are white. We don't have any fancy artwork or really cool furniture. In fact, most of the furniture consists of mix-matched pieces from closed offices and leftovers. I am not sure how to describe the carpet. I think it used to be a maroon, or mauve, speckled with other random colors. It's now some odd form of faded and worn pink.
I spend about an hour driving to work every day. Driving from Elk Grove to Rocklin requires that I take Highway 99 North. If you know this highway, you know it is not the most pleasant drive during rush hour. Traffic is abysmal, and the scenery is nothing that should distract you. It's a lot of cars and concrete, not much else.
From there I end up on Highway 80 Eastbound. Have you ever counted the number of lanes on this stretch of road? At one point there are six lanes in one direction, funneling people to their destinations. It's a massive amount of concrete road, and concrete retaining walls, stretching as far as the eye can see.
Every weekday, I make the 35 mile trek to my office. I pull in to the small parking lot, and park right in front of the building. Over the years I've developed a habit of sitting in my car for a few minutes. Often times I take a moment and say a prayer. I thank God for the safe travel and ask for His guidance through the day. I ask to be a shining light of His love while I'm at work. I would like to tell you I do this every morning, but I don't. I am a creature of habit, but I am also lazy. Sometimes I just sit there and stare at the building. Other times, I don't even recognize what I'm doing. I just sit.
Eventually I get out of my car. It's about 20 or 30 steps to the door, and then I'm in the office for the next nine hours. My desk faces a stack of books and maps with a wall behind them. There are no windows or people in direct eye sight. Anything worth looking at is either behind me or to the side. Every once and a while, I find myself turned to the left, away from my computer, and just staring outside. Not looking at anything particular, I'm just staring.
I am a visual person. I have an enormous love for music, but I am also partially deaf. Consequently, I have a tendency to remember and relate to things by sight and colors. When I close my eyes and think about work, what I think about is concrete. The roads, the parking lot, the sidewalk, all of them are concrete. In my mind's eye, work is an abyss of gray. There is no color.
Don't get me wrong, my office is not a bad place to work. There are some wonderful people, and many of us have worked together for years. We have a tradition of potlucks on holidays, or any other special occasion we can manufacture as an excuse. The other week, we decided the Leap Year was a reason to celebrate. Years ago someone brought in an old Weber grill for us to have a barbeque, and it's become a staple of our potlucks. The office manager will go buy some meat and I get the pleasure of cooking for everyone. It's one of the reasons I've stayed at this office.
It was a beautiful day on February 29th. I think the temperature was near 70 degrees. There was nary a cloud in the sky at about eleven in the morning. I was sitting outside, next to the grill, staring at the surroundings. Things seemed different. Things did not seem gray. As I sat there, I noticed how many trees there were around me. Some of them are evergreens, probably a type of pine. There were bushes and hedges, and the shade trees had their amazing white blooms on full display. It was quite a picturesque sight to behold. I was mesmerized by it all. I continued to sit there, engrossed by the beauty. It's not that I didn't know all this was there before this day. I just never really looked at it.
There was a smell in the air as well. Have you ever noticed that sunshine has a smell? You might think I'm nuts, but I swear that on some days you can smell the temperature. On really cold days, it seems as if you can smell the frost. On nice sunny days, it smells….well, I'm not sure how to describe it. It just smells sunny. Maybe there's an association between the scent of leaves and flowers with sunshine. That seems like a logical explanation. I don't know. Whatever it is, it smelt sunny that day. It smelt nice.
As I was sitting there, staring at my surroundings, a feeling came over me. I had a sense of peace and relaxation. My whole mindset changed. At that exact moment in time, the way I saw the space around my office was transformed. I saw this little corner of the planet in a totally new light.
The rest of my day was different from the previous weeks. In fact, the next couple of days were different. I did not see gray everywhere. I saw colors. I saw the diverse greens of the leaves and plants. I saw the brilliant white of the blooms on the trees, contrasting with the browns of the trunks and dirt. The next time I drove to work, I observed the skyline of downtown Sacramento in the morning sun. The buildings can be quite interesting. Have you ever noticed the amount of trees in midtown Sacramento? There's a lot of them. They are very attractive.
On Highway 80, there is a point in which the land is slightly elevated and there's a straight shot of the Sierra Nevadas. This time of year they are covered in snow and majestic. You get to witness this view for a number of miles, and it is a nice way to start the day. I really wished I had a camera with me that day. I had a compulsion to pull over and take a picture.
So what is the point of all this?
The point is that nothing around me had actually changed. The concrete on the highways and the parking lot was all still there. The traffic continued to be mind-numbingly miserable. I still worked in the exact same office, with the same faded carpet and drab walls. None of that was different.
What had changed was my perspective.
I started to realize that sometimes I have this same problem with my view of God. I allow myself to grow comfortable with what I perceive as God's nature. I grow comfortable with my relationship to Him and I begin thinking that I've got it all figured out.
Upon reflection, I don't believe I am the only one with this problem. People in general seem to attempt to place God in a fixed position. We relegate God to just certain aspects of life and our beliefs. You may have heard some refer to this as "compartmentalizing" God. We try and take God, the infinite Creator of the Universe, and put Him in a box. This box normally fits in nicely with whatever our predisposed idea of Him might be. For some people, they imprison God to church. Others trap Him only in the Bible or in prayers. He exists only in those places that are convenient in our lives.
This happens with our theology as well. The way we interpret scripture, sin, righteousness, morals, all of it, we interpret based on a singular point of view to which we've grown accustomed. As a result, we see only what is easiest for us to accept. We see only the concrete, we don't see the trees. It's an outlook that fits neatly into a little box, which we can store for later viewing.
This is not done out of sinister motives or evil intentions. We do this because it makes God logical. We do this because we like patterns and routines. We do this because it makes God easy. It is easy to view everything from our predetermined ideas. Some people argue that it is how our brains are wired. The more we recognize patterns, the more efficient our brains operate.
But God is not simple. God is complex.
God is not in a box. God is all around us.
God is not finite. God is infinite.
For some, this might be a disheartening statement. Something that is never-ending and unbounded can be intimidating. Yet, this is the awesomeness of God. Despite this complexity, God has made Himself knowable to His creation. The Apostle Paul tells it very plainly in his letter to the ancient Roman church:
"For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." (Romans 1:20)
How often do we miss seeing God because we chose not to? How often do we miss knowing Him because it's easier to keep the same perspective we've always had?
What I am encouraging here is that you don't become complacent with your idea of God. If you think you already understand Him completely, then you have a very small god. A god not big enough to create, sustain, and love the world.
It is easy to get transfixed by what we already know, and miss out on everything else. We stare at the concrete, thinking the concrete is all there is to God. Then we interpret everything else in our lives by our view of the concrete. All the while, we miss the gloriousness of the trees, the bushes, the hedges, the smell of the sunny days, and all the other wonderful things in life. We miss out on the joy of continuously learning more about God. We miss out because we are too lazy to turn around and look at things from a different vantage point.
So I ask you to be humble enough to turn around and examine what you think you know. Not because you are wrong. But because maybe, just maybe, you are only seeing part of what God wants revealed to you. Don't settle for the gray concrete. Turn around and look for the trees, the plants, the blooms and the dirt all around. Turn around and seek to know God. He's always there. You just have to look. Turn around.
I spend about an hour driving to work every day. Driving from Elk Grove to Rocklin requires that I take Highway 99 North. If you know this highway, you know it is not the most pleasant drive during rush hour. Traffic is abysmal, and the scenery is nothing that should distract you. It's a lot of cars and concrete, not much else.
From there I end up on Highway 80 Eastbound. Have you ever counted the number of lanes on this stretch of road? At one point there are six lanes in one direction, funneling people to their destinations. It's a massive amount of concrete road, and concrete retaining walls, stretching as far as the eye can see.
Every weekday, I make the 35 mile trek to my office. I pull in to the small parking lot, and park right in front of the building. Over the years I've developed a habit of sitting in my car for a few minutes. Often times I take a moment and say a prayer. I thank God for the safe travel and ask for His guidance through the day. I ask to be a shining light of His love while I'm at work. I would like to tell you I do this every morning, but I don't. I am a creature of habit, but I am also lazy. Sometimes I just sit there and stare at the building. Other times, I don't even recognize what I'm doing. I just sit.
Eventually I get out of my car. It's about 20 or 30 steps to the door, and then I'm in the office for the next nine hours. My desk faces a stack of books and maps with a wall behind them. There are no windows or people in direct eye sight. Anything worth looking at is either behind me or to the side. Every once and a while, I find myself turned to the left, away from my computer, and just staring outside. Not looking at anything particular, I'm just staring.
I am a visual person. I have an enormous love for music, but I am also partially deaf. Consequently, I have a tendency to remember and relate to things by sight and colors. When I close my eyes and think about work, what I think about is concrete. The roads, the parking lot, the sidewalk, all of them are concrete. In my mind's eye, work is an abyss of gray. There is no color.
Don't get me wrong, my office is not a bad place to work. There are some wonderful people, and many of us have worked together for years. We have a tradition of potlucks on holidays, or any other special occasion we can manufacture as an excuse. The other week, we decided the Leap Year was a reason to celebrate. Years ago someone brought in an old Weber grill for us to have a barbeque, and it's become a staple of our potlucks. The office manager will go buy some meat and I get the pleasure of cooking for everyone. It's one of the reasons I've stayed at this office.
It was a beautiful day on February 29th. I think the temperature was near 70 degrees. There was nary a cloud in the sky at about eleven in the morning. I was sitting outside, next to the grill, staring at the surroundings. Things seemed different. Things did not seem gray. As I sat there, I noticed how many trees there were around me. Some of them are evergreens, probably a type of pine. There were bushes and hedges, and the shade trees had their amazing white blooms on full display. It was quite a picturesque sight to behold. I was mesmerized by it all. I continued to sit there, engrossed by the beauty. It's not that I didn't know all this was there before this day. I just never really looked at it.
There was a smell in the air as well. Have you ever noticed that sunshine has a smell? You might think I'm nuts, but I swear that on some days you can smell the temperature. On really cold days, it seems as if you can smell the frost. On nice sunny days, it smells….well, I'm not sure how to describe it. It just smells sunny. Maybe there's an association between the scent of leaves and flowers with sunshine. That seems like a logical explanation. I don't know. Whatever it is, it smelt sunny that day. It smelt nice.
As I was sitting there, staring at my surroundings, a feeling came over me. I had a sense of peace and relaxation. My whole mindset changed. At that exact moment in time, the way I saw the space around my office was transformed. I saw this little corner of the planet in a totally new light.
The rest of my day was different from the previous weeks. In fact, the next couple of days were different. I did not see gray everywhere. I saw colors. I saw the diverse greens of the leaves and plants. I saw the brilliant white of the blooms on the trees, contrasting with the browns of the trunks and dirt. The next time I drove to work, I observed the skyline of downtown Sacramento in the morning sun. The buildings can be quite interesting. Have you ever noticed the amount of trees in midtown Sacramento? There's a lot of them. They are very attractive.
On Highway 80, there is a point in which the land is slightly elevated and there's a straight shot of the Sierra Nevadas. This time of year they are covered in snow and majestic. You get to witness this view for a number of miles, and it is a nice way to start the day. I really wished I had a camera with me that day. I had a compulsion to pull over and take a picture.
So what is the point of all this?
The point is that nothing around me had actually changed. The concrete on the highways and the parking lot was all still there. The traffic continued to be mind-numbingly miserable. I still worked in the exact same office, with the same faded carpet and drab walls. None of that was different.
What had changed was my perspective.
I started to realize that sometimes I have this same problem with my view of God. I allow myself to grow comfortable with what I perceive as God's nature. I grow comfortable with my relationship to Him and I begin thinking that I've got it all figured out.
Upon reflection, I don't believe I am the only one with this problem. People in general seem to attempt to place God in a fixed position. We relegate God to just certain aspects of life and our beliefs. You may have heard some refer to this as "compartmentalizing" God. We try and take God, the infinite Creator of the Universe, and put Him in a box. This box normally fits in nicely with whatever our predisposed idea of Him might be. For some people, they imprison God to church. Others trap Him only in the Bible or in prayers. He exists only in those places that are convenient in our lives.
This happens with our theology as well. The way we interpret scripture, sin, righteousness, morals, all of it, we interpret based on a singular point of view to which we've grown accustomed. As a result, we see only what is easiest for us to accept. We see only the concrete, we don't see the trees. It's an outlook that fits neatly into a little box, which we can store for later viewing.
This is not done out of sinister motives or evil intentions. We do this because it makes God logical. We do this because we like patterns and routines. We do this because it makes God easy. It is easy to view everything from our predetermined ideas. Some people argue that it is how our brains are wired. The more we recognize patterns, the more efficient our brains operate.
But God is not simple. God is complex.
God is not in a box. God is all around us.
God is not finite. God is infinite.
For some, this might be a disheartening statement. Something that is never-ending and unbounded can be intimidating. Yet, this is the awesomeness of God. Despite this complexity, God has made Himself knowable to His creation. The Apostle Paul tells it very plainly in his letter to the ancient Roman church:
"For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." (Romans 1:20)
How often do we miss seeing God because we chose not to? How often do we miss knowing Him because it's easier to keep the same perspective we've always had?
What I am encouraging here is that you don't become complacent with your idea of God. If you think you already understand Him completely, then you have a very small god. A god not big enough to create, sustain, and love the world.
It is easy to get transfixed by what we already know, and miss out on everything else. We stare at the concrete, thinking the concrete is all there is to God. Then we interpret everything else in our lives by our view of the concrete. All the while, we miss the gloriousness of the trees, the bushes, the hedges, the smell of the sunny days, and all the other wonderful things in life. We miss out on the joy of continuously learning more about God. We miss out because we are too lazy to turn around and look at things from a different vantage point.
So I ask you to be humble enough to turn around and examine what you think you know. Not because you are wrong. But because maybe, just maybe, you are only seeing part of what God wants revealed to you. Don't settle for the gray concrete. Turn around and look for the trees, the plants, the blooms and the dirt all around. Turn around and seek to know God. He's always there. You just have to look. Turn around.
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