When I was a child in Texas, my family went to churches that were very traditional. They had wooden pews, stained glass windows, choirs, organs, and all the other things classically associated with church. Unfortunately, at a certain point, my family developed the habit of not going to church anymore. It wasn't that my parents stopped believing, they simply allowed the busyness of life to get in the way.
After getting married, my wife and I decided to reignite our relationships with God. The church we ended up attending in San Jose was worlds away from what I had grown accustomed. The wooden pews, stained glass and choir were replaced with chairs, basketball hoops, and a live band. It was a great church filled with wonderful people, and God used that congregation to move me closer to him. However, I always yearned for the church of my childhood. I guess you could say I was nostalgic.
Our eventual move to Sacramento meant a search for a new church. We tried a handful of places over the span of six months. There were lots of caring, warm people, but nothing that fit my immature spiritual needs, so the search continued.
But there was this one church I passed on nearly a daily basis. It was a nondescript, single story building that looked like it was originally designed to be an office. It seemed like a perfectly fine place, but not what I was looking for. I wanted something that looked more "spiritual", and less like an office.
Then one Saturday I was out running errands when I passed the church again. As I drove by, I noticed something was different. In the corner of the property was a two story structure that had crosses on all sides. I remember thinking to myself, "That's kinda cool. It's got crosses on it, so I guess it looks like a church now. Maybe we should try there".
A couple of weeks later, my wife and I attended that church for the first time. Within a month we joined our first Small Group Bible study, and within three months I was baptized. Since that time, I have gone to Bible College and received a degree, while also leading the Sunday Tech Team for about three years. I think it would be safe to say that God has definitely used this church as a way to bring me closer to Him, and as a tool to help me grow spiritually.
But let me backtrack for a moment. Let's go back to that first Sunday. After the sermon, the Senior Pastor informed the church that a cell tower had been built on their property. The church was blessed because they were paid for the use of their land.
It took me a minute, then I realized what "tower" he was talking about. He was talking about that two story structure with the crosses on it. Do you realize what this means???? It means that God used a cell tower to guide me to a place where I could connect with him. Basically, I was led to Jesus by the light of a neon cross, on a two story cell tower. I'm sorry, but God is goofy.
So here's the ultimate point of this story. Recently I have come to some crossroads in my life. After many years of starting and stopping, I have finally finished college. At the same time, the industry of my occupation has gone through convulsions. If ever there were a time to find a new path, this would be it.
As a result, I find myself spending an inordinate amounts of time "looking" for God's guidance. I keep looking for signs of what He wants me to do. It is a constant attempt to figure out God's master plan for me. The funny thing is that when I look back at how God has worked in my life, rarely was I able to see God's hand moving as it was happening. It is only in retrospect that I can see God's work.
This has got me wondering if maybe I'm trying too hard. Maybe my efforts to find God's direction are actually just me attempting to take control. Instead of trusting God, I'm trying to figure everything out before He's willing to reveal it to me. Matthew 6:25-26 tells us, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
So this begs the question, where is the balance between proactively searching for God's will, and simply trusting His providence? Honestly, I don't know if I have a complete answer, which is odd for me. I crave answers. I require answers. But possibly that's the way it is suppose to be. Possibly this tension between seeking and trusting is the key to a healthy relationship with God. If all we did was trust, then we'd be nothing but mindless pawns. Yet, if in our searching for God's direction we were able to completely decode God's plan, we would no longer need God.
In the end, I think I'm going to stop looking for another neon cross. I'm going to stop stressing over the fact that I don't know exactly what God has got planned for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to seek and search His will. The difference is that now I will trust more that He has it handled. I have to accept that while I have free will, He is the one who ultimately has control.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Hope
Hope is a popular subject. In the political season, we hear a lot about the topic. Every politician tries to convince you that they are the hope for a better future. In many ways, hope can be a pretty easy sell. It is easy because they do not have to offer any specifics. Nor do they have to actually deliver anything. All they have to do is convince people to feel an emotion; An emotion that most people want to feel anyway.
Politics is not the only place we hear a lot about hope. The Bible is filled with it. In both Psalm 42 and 43, we are told, "Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God".
In Romans 5, Paul states, "And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us".
Now, I have to be really honest about something here. It pains me to say this, but the naked truth is that these scriptures don't give me strength. They don't make me feel better. There is no comfort or consolation from those words. In a time of difficulty, of pain, or of trials, these verses don't provide me any solace.
I wish they did. I really, really wished they helped. As a follower of Christ, I badly want to tell you that, "the Word of God gives me strength". But, I can't lie. It doesn't always work that way.
Here's why…
The hope I read in the Bible seems to relate to the long term, the distant future. It is a reassurance that in the end, all will be okay. The Bible constantly reminds us that we have a good, gracious and loving God. A God in control who will make all things right. That is awesome, and nothing to be discounted.
However, my problem is that I don't often worry about what will happen in the long term. I am not stressed about what will happen in 10, 20 or 50 years. Nor do I get scared about death. I have faith in God and His love. I have faith that He will take care of me like the loving and omnipotent Father He is. In fact, the older I get, the more my faith and trust in God develops. Every year of my life adds experiences that allow me to see how God has sustained me. This makes it easier to be hopeful for the long term.
My problem, unfortunately, is that I have difficulties with the here and now. I worry about the problems of next week, next month and next year. While I know that eventually everything will be okay, I have trouble coping with the knowledge that trials are inevitable.
In fact, maybe even more disheartening is that the Bible gives us plenty of warning that these trials will happen. It doesn't cover up that fact at all. There is no illusion that life will be all peaches and cream.
Take a look at James 1:2-4: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Pure joy? Are you kidding me? I'm sorry, but I have read this scripture during times of trouble and it does not offer me any relief. Nothing. In fact, it has made me feel even more depressed. It made me depressed because it caused me to question my faith. It caused me to question how much I truly trust God. I'm I really a Christian? A follower of Christ? A disciple? If I really had a strong faith, how could I still be so stressed?
When I first sat down to write this essay, my intention was to simply vent frustration. I didn't have a solution to my stress in mind, nor was I really searching for one. I just wanted to document my dismay at the fact that sometimes I felt hopeless. But whether I was searching for it or not, I was able to find some bit of peace. I found something that made me feel better…
While I was writing, it came to me that Jesus had a similar reaction to a bad situation. Even though he knew full well that all things would be made right, he was not immune from anxiety.
Just before Jesus gets arrested (and eventually tortured and killed), he led some disciples to a garden in Gethsemane. In the book of Mark, we have he following account of what happened:
"He took Peter, James and John along with him and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death', he said to them. 'Stay here and keep watch.' Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass him. 'Abba, Father,' he said, 'everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." (Mark 14:33-36)
Did you pick up on that? Jesus was "deeply distressed", "overwhelmed with sorrow", and he asked the Father to spare him the pain he knew was coming. The Son of God, God himself, God in the flesh, was worried about short term problems. Even though he knew the outcome in advance, there were still trepidations about the process.
Believe it or not, that is comforting to me. It means that maybe, just maybe, I am normal. Maybe it is okay to have stress every once and a while. Being worried is just part of the human experience.
The lesson from all this is that tough times are inescapable. They are unavoidable. As a result,
stress is inevitable as well. So don't be ashamed of feeling worried. It's all part of our journey here on Earth. It's part of our growth. The key, however, is that we do not wallow in those dark places. We have to work through and move past those times. And we can do this by recognizing God is in control of the situation, and even if we don't like the circumstance, God has it handled.
Jesus understood this reality. That is why in his prayer, he went ahead and expressed his distress. He let the Father know his sorrow. But then he prayed these words in the garden: "not what I will, but what you will". Because God's will is perfect, and He is in control anyway.
Politics is not the only place we hear a lot about hope. The Bible is filled with it. In both Psalm 42 and 43, we are told, "Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God".
In Romans 5, Paul states, "And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us".
Now, I have to be really honest about something here. It pains me to say this, but the naked truth is that these scriptures don't give me strength. They don't make me feel better. There is no comfort or consolation from those words. In a time of difficulty, of pain, or of trials, these verses don't provide me any solace.
I wish they did. I really, really wished they helped. As a follower of Christ, I badly want to tell you that, "the Word of God gives me strength". But, I can't lie. It doesn't always work that way.
Here's why…
The hope I read in the Bible seems to relate to the long term, the distant future. It is a reassurance that in the end, all will be okay. The Bible constantly reminds us that we have a good, gracious and loving God. A God in control who will make all things right. That is awesome, and nothing to be discounted.
However, my problem is that I don't often worry about what will happen in the long term. I am not stressed about what will happen in 10, 20 or 50 years. Nor do I get scared about death. I have faith in God and His love. I have faith that He will take care of me like the loving and omnipotent Father He is. In fact, the older I get, the more my faith and trust in God develops. Every year of my life adds experiences that allow me to see how God has sustained me. This makes it easier to be hopeful for the long term.
My problem, unfortunately, is that I have difficulties with the here and now. I worry about the problems of next week, next month and next year. While I know that eventually everything will be okay, I have trouble coping with the knowledge that trials are inevitable.
In fact, maybe even more disheartening is that the Bible gives us plenty of warning that these trials will happen. It doesn't cover up that fact at all. There is no illusion that life will be all peaches and cream.
Take a look at James 1:2-4: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Pure joy? Are you kidding me? I'm sorry, but I have read this scripture during times of trouble and it does not offer me any relief. Nothing. In fact, it has made me feel even more depressed. It made me depressed because it caused me to question my faith. It caused me to question how much I truly trust God. I'm I really a Christian? A follower of Christ? A disciple? If I really had a strong faith, how could I still be so stressed?
When I first sat down to write this essay, my intention was to simply vent frustration. I didn't have a solution to my stress in mind, nor was I really searching for one. I just wanted to document my dismay at the fact that sometimes I felt hopeless. But whether I was searching for it or not, I was able to find some bit of peace. I found something that made me feel better…
While I was writing, it came to me that Jesus had a similar reaction to a bad situation. Even though he knew full well that all things would be made right, he was not immune from anxiety.
Just before Jesus gets arrested (and eventually tortured and killed), he led some disciples to a garden in Gethsemane. In the book of Mark, we have he following account of what happened:
"He took Peter, James and John along with him and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death', he said to them. 'Stay here and keep watch.' Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass him. 'Abba, Father,' he said, 'everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." (Mark 14:33-36)
Did you pick up on that? Jesus was "deeply distressed", "overwhelmed with sorrow", and he asked the Father to spare him the pain he knew was coming. The Son of God, God himself, God in the flesh, was worried about short term problems. Even though he knew the outcome in advance, there were still trepidations about the process.
Believe it or not, that is comforting to me. It means that maybe, just maybe, I am normal. Maybe it is okay to have stress every once and a while. Being worried is just part of the human experience.
The lesson from all this is that tough times are inescapable. They are unavoidable. As a result,
stress is inevitable as well. So don't be ashamed of feeling worried. It's all part of our journey here on Earth. It's part of our growth. The key, however, is that we do not wallow in those dark places. We have to work through and move past those times. And we can do this by recognizing God is in control of the situation, and even if we don't like the circumstance, God has it handled.
Jesus understood this reality. That is why in his prayer, he went ahead and expressed his distress. He let the Father know his sorrow. But then he prayed these words in the garden: "not what I will, but what you will". Because God's will is perfect, and He is in control anyway.
Speech at William Jessup University, May 2008
On May, 16th, 2008, I was given the pleasure of being able to speak during William Jessup University's Baccalaureate (a special Chapel service the night before the graduation commencement). I was told there were about 600 people in attendance, which is much larger than any group I have ever spoken to. The following writing is what I prepared for the speech. When reading, please understand that this was written as a speech outline, not a formal essay. That means there will be some odd sentence structure and possible rough transitions. I use this as the base and then adlib the rest. During the speech, some of the details in this were ommitted, and I added a great deal more.
When I was first approached about doing this speech, I must admit to you that I was worried about what I was suppose to talk about. I was told to speak a little bit about myself… to tell something of "my story", my experiences here at school, and what God has done in my life while at William Jessup. On the face of it, that seemed like a perfectly reasonable speech topic…
But then I realized something. Something that actually caused me to panic a little bit… I realized that I'm a pretty boring guy… A pretty run of the mill, normal, unexceptional, average guy.
Seriously. Let me explain for a second…
I don't have a really cool or fascinating job… I don't make a lot of money… Nor do I have a position of great power….I have never planted a church, lead a church or even a large ministry… I have traveled a little bit in my life… but I don't have any those grandiose tales about climbing Mt Everest, backpacking across Europe, making a pilgrimage to the Holy Land, or anything like that to inspire and motivate you today…
And here's one more fact… it took me EIGHT years, and FOUR, count them, four different colleges to earn this Bachelors!… Not the sort of guy most people would consider the poster boy for higher education.
Yet, for some reason, this wonderful institution thought I would be appropriate as a speaker today. (Guess I fooled somebody here).
Then I realized something. I realized that maybe that's what I'm suppose to talk about. Maybe, just maybe, it is my normality, my un-exceptional-ism (if that is even a real word) that is the point and the reason I am here. Because, it is through this ordinariness that God's glory can shine through more clearly. Through my limitations, God's greatness is shown.
Paul speaks of this idea in 1 Corinthians…
Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."
So I stand here today, not to boast of anything I have done, but to boast in the Lord. Because it is definitely only because of Him that I have been given this opportunity.
I've learned over the years that God uses all sorts of people to accomplish His desires. Sometimes they are people of power, ability and prestige. But not always. Actually, often times they are the types of people we meet everyday… Computer Programmers, Fireman, school administrators, County workers, Nordstrom employees, Basketball coaches, Salesmen, the guy drinking coffee at Starbucks… these are the people God uses to spread His message and His love.
A little over three years ago, when I was 29 years old God placed it on my heart to attend William Jessup… My wife had just given birth to our forth child… I was working full time, trying to support our expanded family on my single income… and I was stumbling my way through my first leadership role in ministry. Personally, I felt that I was a pretty busy guy. I didn't feel like I had a lot of spare time or money. But someone else, it seems, had other ideas…
My initial thought was… Are you kidding me!? What sort of sick joke is this? ME? Bible College? No way. I'm too busy, I don't have any money, AND, I'm a very good student. I am a horrible procrastinator, and I can be very, very lazy. Did I mention my track record with college? I had already gone to three schools and didn't finish!
But God kept working on me. Primarily, He worked through a group of friends who encouraged me, motivated me and pushed me to follow what I felt was God's will. In fact, if it weren't for their affirmation, for the way that God worked through these men, I'm not sure if I would not be up here today. Every time I would doubt myself, they were there to build me up. Every time I thought it was impossible, they were there to remind me that God would make it possible…. If I would let Him.
As I leave this university, I do so with a deeper understanding of God, and an improved walk with Christ. I also leave with a brand new appreciation of how each of has a role in God's plan. How each of us, no matter what limitations we feel we have or shortcomings we perceive to possess, God can use us. In fact, I think that He wants to use us. Just as he has used my friends, the way he has used the professors and administrators in this school, and especially they way He has used my fellow classmates. It is through these relationships, with all these various people, that I have grown… that I have been stretched, and reshaped. I feel blessed and extremely grateful that each of these people allowed themselves to be used for God… and I pray that I may do the same… even if I am just a boring, regular guy.
I want to thank you for this opportunity to speak today. It is an honor I never imagined. It certainly goes to show that through God, anything is possible. Again, Thank you, and
Congratulations to everyone. God Bless you.
When I was first approached about doing this speech, I must admit to you that I was worried about what I was suppose to talk about. I was told to speak a little bit about myself… to tell something of "my story", my experiences here at school, and what God has done in my life while at William Jessup. On the face of it, that seemed like a perfectly reasonable speech topic…
But then I realized something. Something that actually caused me to panic a little bit… I realized that I'm a pretty boring guy… A pretty run of the mill, normal, unexceptional, average guy.
Seriously. Let me explain for a second…
I don't have a really cool or fascinating job… I don't make a lot of money… Nor do I have a position of great power….I have never planted a church, lead a church or even a large ministry… I have traveled a little bit in my life… but I don't have any those grandiose tales about climbing Mt Everest, backpacking across Europe, making a pilgrimage to the Holy Land, or anything like that to inspire and motivate you today…
And here's one more fact… it took me EIGHT years, and FOUR, count them, four different colleges to earn this Bachelors!… Not the sort of guy most people would consider the poster boy for higher education.
Yet, for some reason, this wonderful institution thought I would be appropriate as a speaker today. (Guess I fooled somebody here).
Then I realized something. I realized that maybe that's what I'm suppose to talk about. Maybe, just maybe, it is my normality, my un-exceptional-ism (if that is even a real word) that is the point and the reason I am here. Because, it is through this ordinariness that God's glory can shine through more clearly. Through my limitations, God's greatness is shown.
Paul speaks of this idea in 1 Corinthians…
Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."
So I stand here today, not to boast of anything I have done, but to boast in the Lord. Because it is definitely only because of Him that I have been given this opportunity.
I've learned over the years that God uses all sorts of people to accomplish His desires. Sometimes they are people of power, ability and prestige. But not always. Actually, often times they are the types of people we meet everyday… Computer Programmers, Fireman, school administrators, County workers, Nordstrom employees, Basketball coaches, Salesmen, the guy drinking coffee at Starbucks… these are the people God uses to spread His message and His love.
A little over three years ago, when I was 29 years old God placed it on my heart to attend William Jessup… My wife had just given birth to our forth child… I was working full time, trying to support our expanded family on my single income… and I was stumbling my way through my first leadership role in ministry. Personally, I felt that I was a pretty busy guy. I didn't feel like I had a lot of spare time or money. But someone else, it seems, had other ideas…
My initial thought was… Are you kidding me!? What sort of sick joke is this? ME? Bible College? No way. I'm too busy, I don't have any money, AND, I'm a very good student. I am a horrible procrastinator, and I can be very, very lazy. Did I mention my track record with college? I had already gone to three schools and didn't finish!
But God kept working on me. Primarily, He worked through a group of friends who encouraged me, motivated me and pushed me to follow what I felt was God's will. In fact, if it weren't for their affirmation, for the way that God worked through these men, I'm not sure if I would not be up here today. Every time I would doubt myself, they were there to build me up. Every time I thought it was impossible, they were there to remind me that God would make it possible…. If I would let Him.
As I leave this university, I do so with a deeper understanding of God, and an improved walk with Christ. I also leave with a brand new appreciation of how each of has a role in God's plan. How each of us, no matter what limitations we feel we have or shortcomings we perceive to possess, God can use us. In fact, I think that He wants to use us. Just as he has used my friends, the way he has used the professors and administrators in this school, and especially they way He has used my fellow classmates. It is through these relationships, with all these various people, that I have grown… that I have been stretched, and reshaped. I feel blessed and extremely grateful that each of these people allowed themselves to be used for God… and I pray that I may do the same… even if I am just a boring, regular guy.
I want to thank you for this opportunity to speak today. It is an honor I never imagined. It certainly goes to show that through God, anything is possible. Again, Thank you, and
Congratulations to everyone. God Bless you.
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